he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
