areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Never underestimate the power of titties
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
