Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
