i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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