So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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