i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
