In the future we'll all be gay
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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