I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
