Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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