I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
