You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
