Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
