i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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