??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
