doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
