Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
