She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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