Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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