one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
