Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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