My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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