Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So many bounce houses so little time
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
