I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
