i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
