i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
