Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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