this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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