the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
