I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize