You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
