my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
