ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My balls are so social today.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize