Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
