if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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