high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want nice things and good sex
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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