Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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