bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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