They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
