Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
