True but thats because hes a fetus.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
