my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
