I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
