so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
