you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
