I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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