I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
