So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
