He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
