Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
