My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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