You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize