smell my finger.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
