Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
