This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize