I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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