We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
