I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
