I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
