Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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