I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
