dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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