Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
