I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
