This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
