i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
