Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
