who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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