i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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