she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
