Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
only if we run a train.
done.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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