I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
