Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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