Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize