I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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