Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
